He never failed...

A year ago I wrote one of the most personal blog posts I've ever shared. I still can't read it without crying. For those that are new around these parts, you can read the post here.

In summary, this time last year I was supposed to go to on a mission trip with my sister and some friends to Ghana. Then I found out I was pregnant and couldn't get the vaccines. Then I miscarried and later found out it was an ectopic pregnancy and ended up having emergency surgery July 25th last year when the tube ruptured.

So, yeah. That month was rough.  As were the months that followed. But God is great and faithful and y'all, so, full of grace.

I ended that post with these lyrics from the song, Oceans:

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

He's never failed and He won't stop now.

And you know what. A year later. He didn't.



For those that follow me on instagram, it's no secret that we are expecting our first boy. I just realized I never shared the news here - sorry about that. After everything that's gone on, it seemed like I couldn't just say we're expecting and leave it at that.

 

But yes, we are having a BOY in October!

It's funny when you have two girls and then find out you're having a boy. People respond in the funniest of ways, like,

"you finally got one" or
"third time's a charm" or
"so now you can quit trying."

And I get it.

But if you knew our story and the fact that we didn't know if we'd be able to have any more biological kids, any child is a miracle - boy or girl. And really, that's what this little guy is, our miracle baby. Hope with skin on.



The night I went in for surgery I was terrified. The doctors warned me about the tube rupturing and if I felt pain to go the ER immediately. If a rupture is severe it's life-threatening. I didn't know if mine was severe or not, I just knew the pain was.

I will never forget the feeling I had when I hugged and kissed my girls in that hospital parking lot. Fear had gripped a hold of me and all I could think was how it could be my last good bye. The last kiss. The last hug. The last time I saw my family. I was scared. Tears uncontrollably streaming down my face.

Several hours, a hospital change, ambulance ride and re-evalution later - the doctors determined the rupture wasn't severe but I still needed surgery and would become a "uni-tube" as my husband lovingly termed it.

Praise the Lord, I saw my family the next day. Celebrated my oldest's 4th birthday a day later and now here we are, pregnant with our third.



There have been so many times where I've felt surrounded by fear since that night. Fear that we couldn't get pregnant again since I only had one tube now. Fear that if I did it would be ectopic and I'd have to go through all that again. And then once we found out we were pregnant, Fear that we'd lose the baby.

So much Fear.

But in all that Fear, we had to remind ourselves that God tells us to, "Fear not, for I am with you." - Isaiah 41:10.

Every day. Reminding to Fear Not.

Every day. Praying for strength.

Every day. Clinging to hope and trusting that even if the scariest thing happened, He still had me.

Those lyrics playing in my head,

"Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now."

Wow. How that song has changed for me. A song that I used to cry to when it felt like I had lost so much and just needed His strength to make it through the day.

Now a song of praise. I still cry through it. Sobbing at His grace and mercy. Thankful for hope and a precious baby. A baby boy with a healthy heartbeat. Kicking like crazy. A reminder each day of His faithfulness.

So yeah. If you ask me if we're excited about having a boy.

Darn right we are. 



To God be the glory. Great things He has done.