Jul 22, 2015

He never failed...

A year ago I wrote one of the most personal blog posts I've ever shared. I still can't read it without crying. For those that are new around these parts, you can read the post here.

In summary, this time last year I was supposed to go to on a mission trip with my sister and some friends to Ghana. Then I found out I was pregnant and couldn't get the vaccines. Then I miscarried and later found out it was an ectopic pregnancy and ended up having emergency surgery July 25th last year when the tube ruptured.

So, yeah. That month was rough.  As were the months that followed. But God is great and faithful and y'all, so, full of grace.

I ended that post with these lyrics from the song, Oceans:
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now
He's never failed and He won't stop now.

And you know what. A year later. He didn't.


For those that follow me on instagram, it's no secret that we are expecting our first boy. I just realized I never shared the news here - sorry about that. After everything that's gone on, it seemed like I couldn't just say we're expecting and leave it at that.


But yes, we are having a BOY in October!

It's funny when you have two girls and then find out you're having a boy. People respond in the funniest of ways, like,

"you finally got one" or
"third time's a charm" or
"so now you can quit trying."


And I get it.

But if you knew our story and the fact that we didn't know if we'd be able to have any more biological kids, any child is a miracle - boy or girl. And really, that's what this little guy is, our miracle baby. Hope with skin on.


The night I went in for surgery I was terrified. The doctors warned me about the tube rupturing and if I felt pain to go the ER immediately. If a rupture is severe it's life-threatening. I didn't know if mine was severe or not, I just knew the pain was.

I will never forget the feeling I had when I hugged and kissed my girls in that hospital parking lot. Fear had gripped a hold of me and all I could think was how it could be my last good bye. The last kiss. The last hug. The last time I saw my family. I was scared. Tears uncontrollably streaming down my face.

Several hours, a hospital change, ambulance ride and re-evalution later - the doctors determined the rupture wasn't severe but I still needed surgery and would become a "uni-tube" as my husband lovingly termed it.

Praise the Lord, I saw my family the next day. Celebrated my oldest's 4th birthday a day later and now here we are, pregnant with our third.


There have been so many times where I've felt surrounded by fear since that night. Fear that we couldn't get pregnant again since I only had one tube now. Fear that if I did it would be ectopic and I'd have to go through all that again. And then once we found out we were pregnant, Fear that we'd lose the baby.

So much Fear.

But in all that Fear, we had to remind ourselves that God tells us to, "Fear not, for I am with you." - Isaiah 41:10.

Every day. Reminding to Fear Not.

Every day. Praying for strength.

Every day. Clinging to hope and trusting that even if the scariest thing happened, He still had me.

Those lyrics playing in my head,
"Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now."


Wow. How that song has changed for me. A song that I used to cry to when it felt like I had lost so much and just needed His strength to make it through the day.

Now a song of praise. I still cry through it. Sobbing at His grace and mercy. Thankful for hope and a precious baby. A baby boy with a healthy heartbeat. Kicking like crazy. A reminder each day of His faithfulness.

So yeah. If you ask me if we're excited about having a boy.

Darn right we are. 


To God be the glory. Great things He has done.


  1. I am so happy for you. I had a miscarriage a week before Mother's Day last year. It was terrible. Three months later I was pregnant again and terrified. I have never known so much fear. We didn't know what gender our baby would be and people didn't seem to believe me when I told them that I really didn't care, I just wanted a healthy baby. When you have had that fear, the only thing that matters is a healthy baby. That little baby is a 3-month-old boy now. Praying for a continued healthy pregnancy for you and your baby boy!

  2. Many congratulations! So happy for you! I am due on October 8th with a boy. We have 3 girls, so I totally relate to the comments. We would have been just as happy with a 4th girl. I loved your closing lines, "So yeah. If you ask me if we're excited about having a boy. Darn right we are. To God be the glory. Great things He has done." Maybe I'll just say that when I get all the comments!!

  3. "Clinging to hope and trusting that even if the scariest thing happened, He still had me."
    yes yes yes. love you les.

  4. Thank you so much for your openness in sharing, what a beautiful gift in reading honesty.

  5. The Ellie Holcomb Pandora station is playing in my background right now. Oceans played about two songs before I read this post. A post I've held on a tab on my browser for days waiting until things were still around me so I could read.

    Tomorrow's a year. God is faithful no matter what. "Hope with skin on." Love that.

  6. So beautiful, Lesley. I’m so happy for you! We just had boy #3. He's 9 weeks old :) Finding out I was pregnant with him was the most wonderful surprise. We went through infertility and miscarriage earlier in our marriage, and decided that any "prevention" wasn't necessary after our 2nd son was born. If we got pregnant again, we'd be overjoyed, but no more fertility treatments. I started hoping and praying for a miracle baby right away. After five years, I resigned myself to the fact that I was never having another baby, and decided that I really was content with our family of four. Then, it happened! :D I was so amazed and thankful. The comments we got from some people were similar to what you've experienced… ”You know how this happens, right?” or “Are you going to keep trying for a girl?” Maybe people just don't know what to say? I’m baffled by it. A simple "congratulations" is always nice. :) I understand the fear too. Being pregnant is a very joyful and special time, but it is wrapped in fear (at least it was for me). I highlighted this from my Jesus Calling devotional recently: “Wear My Love like a cloak of Light, covering you from head to toe. Have no fear, for perfect Love decimates fear.” I’ve also read in the past that peace is the opposite of fear, and I highlighted this too (also from Jesus Calling): “I look into your mind and see thoughts spinning round and round: going nowhere, accomplishing nothing. All the while, My Peace hovers over you, searching for a place to land.” I often have to stop myself, take a deep breath, hold it in for a few seconds while I envision the Holy Spirit filling me with light and peace, and then blow all my worries out. I picture them in something like a clear Christmas ornament hanging on a string that floats toward the Father when I blow it away, but that will swing back to me if I start worrying again. Sounds cheesy, I know, but it helps me. ;) I’m praying that the rest of your pregnancy is filled with joy, and that your baby boy arrives healthy and at just the right time.

  7. This is a beautiful post. I am truly happy for you and your family. Sending many blessings your way for the arrival of your healthy baby boy! I have been trying to get pregnant with my husband for a while now and reading this gives me hope and faith. God bless!

  8. I'm not good at blogging, reading or posting, so I'm just now sitting down to catch up...dear one, we've walked this same path. It truly is heart wrenching! Our family has five boys and then we lost our sixth child in a life threatening miscarriage. A year later, the Father ABUNDANTLY lavished our hearts with our sweet, precious and only daughter. I remember sitting and soaking in the song, "How He Loves" while TRUTH began to heal my broken heart. What a dear treasure your son is! I'm beyond thrilled for you! Even though your trip was a disappointment, like those lyrics, "My soul will rest in your embrace. Your Grace abounds in deepest waters; Your Sovereign Hand will be my Guide" He truly is ALWAYS good!! Blessings upon blessings to you!!


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