May 2, 2011

Brace Yourself, this Post is LONG

I was absent from my little blog on Friday because I experienced a loss. I had planned on doing a post and I had taken some photos Thursday afternoon for it. I decided to just upload them Friday morning and finish it up then.

I woke up Friday morning and went to get my camera out of the diaper bag. It wasn't there. No worries, it was probably in the car. I poured some coffee and went out to the car. Not in the front seat. Back seat? No. Floor board? No. What!? Maybe the trunk. Sadly no.

I ran back inside and searched the entire house for my camera. I checked places that stinkin thing couldn't even fit. I retraced my steps and thought about the last place I had it.

I knew where it had to be. It was in Broken Arrow at an antique store. I was working on an upcoming project and took it with me Thursday afternoon. I called the antique store but got a message that the phone was no longer in service. What. Looks like I had to drive out there.

I put a ball cap on (my go-to accessory when not showered), loaded up my girl and headed out the door. I prayed the whole way there. I felt silly praying that my camera would still be there given the crazy tornadoes in Alabama. But I prayed anyway. I prayed for the survivors of the storm and then for my camera.

I also played the entire afternoon over and over in my head. After thinking it through, I'm pretty sure I must have put it on the roof of my car while I loaded my daughter into the seat and then the stroller into the trunk. I must have left it there and just drove off.


I pulled into the parking lot and there were no signs of my camera. I canvased the entire parking lot and street for a mile. I felt like I was a CSI on the hunt for evidence. There was none. My camera was gone. The store wasn't open yet so I had to go back home without my camera.

The first stage of grief set in: Denial. Someone would have seen it in the parking lot and turned it into the store. It wasn't gone forever. Maybe I just needed to look harder at home. Maybe it was misplaced. Maybe the police had it. It wasn't GONE.

I drove home and waited for the store to open and finally returned to the scene of the crime. I asked if anyone had turned it in. Had I found a camera, I couldn't keep it. No such luck. I even went to the police station and asked if anyone had turned it in. They looked at me like I was crazy and told me no.

Now what?

The second stage set in: Anger. Anger at myself mostly. How could I be so dumb. Who does that? But there was also anger for the person that found it and kept it. I hoped they would turn it on and see the pictures of my sweet little girl and feel so guilty they would have to return it. How could you keep something like that? Someone's memories are in your hand and you are just taking them away. (Okay, so maybe I'm being a tad dramatic, but like I said, I was angry).

I pretty much skipped the third stage, bargaining, and went straight to fouth: Depression. Friday night was not so great. I don't cry often. Well, let's be honest here, I cry a lot more post-pregnancy and I cried a lot Friday night.

I already felt stupid but then I watched 20/20 with the husband and it was all about the tornadoes and destruction in Alabama. Now I really felt dumb. Here I was sitting on my couch crying over a camera when these people didn't even have a house anymore. All their belongings stripped from them in one night. Photos - gone. Beds - gone. Pets - gone. Loved ones - gone.

I am still sad about my camera but have moved on the the final stage: Acceptance. I may not have my camera anymore but it can be replaced.

One day.


  1. :( so sorry friend!!! That is really stinky. I hope whoever does have your camera will turn it never know! Until then, phone pics? ;)

  2. Ugh! This makes me so sick to think about, I am SO sorry. I will be praying someone returns it or the Lord provides you with a brand spankin' new one!

  3. That sucks! I'm so sorry to hear about your lost. My camera is my world. And I would die without it. So I know how you feel about your camera. And I know how that heart sinking into your stomach feels when you realize its gone. I hope you are able to replace it soon.

  4. :( SO Sorry about your camera. I understand though... I broke mine on a vacation once and I was devastated. Absolutely devastated. My then boyfriend didn't get it at all, but he kept travel journals from all the places he'd been. I was like "My pictures are like your journals. That's how I capture things and remember them." He understood all at once and helped me find another camera to at least last through the trip. :(

    I like your perspective. It's just a camera in the grand scheme of things, but man alive.. it's still a bummer. Sorry, friend.

  5. Oh, Lesley, I am so sorry. :(

  6. Oh I'm so sad for you! I think all us bloggers especially cherish our cameras! Hope it turns up:(

  7. My husband is infamous for leaving items on top of the car. The worst case happened when we were in Chicago. He placed his wallet on top of the car and drove off with it there. I felt like you were telling our story. We did the exact same thing. He even went through Subway's trash can. The really bad part is all of our accounts contain both of our information. If we cancelled his cards, we would have to cancel my cards. We couldn't do that while we were on vacation. So we prayed that if someone found his wallet they would be honest. When we got home, our prayers were answered. No wallet, but someone had mailed a few items they found inside his wallet...driver's license, credit card, and debit card. The only 3 things we were worried about. She found them scattered across the street. We ended up changing our account numbers just to be safe, but God is good. Your situation will work out. Maybe not the way you could figure it out, but God is so good at the details!

  8. lesley…friend. i am so sorry! i know that feeling so well. i was the exact same way when my lens broke… praying for comfort for you and for your camera to turn up or for you to be able to replace it so very soon! xoxo

  9. OH NO! Not your baby!!!! I totally get it! Oh gosh! I once drove back to work late at night to see if I left it there. I'm so sorry! Any word on its whereabouts?



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